Missing in Action

It’s been awhile, folks.  And that’s putting it lightly.

I began this blog with every intention of keeping up with it on a regular basis.  I wanted to explore my writing more and have a place to gather my thoughts.  The problem with that is .. sometimes there just isn’t enough time in the day.

While I definitely haven’t been dealing with as many personal issues as some of the bloggers I follow on here have, I’ve had my fair share of things popping up and making it a little difficult to just write.  My boyfriend got arrested, twice.  Both times for stupid things that caused more drama than it was worth and cost more money than we had.  We finally made the decision to uproot ourselves from Pennsylvania.  And I quit the job that I’ve had since I was 16!

Yesterday was my last day of that job, actually.  And it was a pretty surreal experience, working through the day and having all these people come up to tell me how much they’d miss me.  I think I never really felt all that important, like anybody would even notice if I was gone.  But that’s my self-esteem issue .. something I’m still working on and probably will be working on for the rest of my life.  But it was nice to hear and reassuring to know that people think I’m good at what I do.  I’m hoping that I’ll be able to find a job once we relocate because my vacation pay will only last for a month from now!

That’s a pretty stressful notion, if I’m being honest.  This whole scenario is.  My boyfriend and I both made the decision to move, both finally reached a point where we were tired with how everything was going in our current location.  That’s not to say that we think a new view will change our entire lives.  It won’t.  But maybe eliminating some of the bad parts of our world, changing our perspectives, will help push us a little further towards where we want to be.

We’re going to be moving in with my Mom in Florida.  She actually just found out that her kidney is only functioning at about 40% and she may need to be on dialysis.  That was one of my main reasons for wanting to make this change right now.  Being unhappy at my job with manager changes and just all around changes with how the company is run was another reason.  But I really want to be around my Mom and help take care of her.  She’s been living on her own for the last three years and she’s fallen more than I like to hear about.  So while it’s been nice having these past few years to live my life as an adult away from my parent, the time has come to retreat back to the caretaker stage of things.

Honestly, I’d hoped that things would be different.  I had stayed behind three years ago when my family moved to Florida because I was happy here.  I’d just started dating my ex-husband again.  I loved my job because I had an incredible bakery staff to work with.  And my sister made tons of promises about being there for my Mom whenever she was needed.  Things don’t always go the way you think they will and sometimes people let you down without realizing that they’ve done it.

I’m not going to go into that one.  Despite the fact that this is my safe place, it is still the internet and there is still the possibility that someone I know will stumble across these words and be irrevocably hurt by them.  Some things are just best left unspoken/unwritten.

This new adventure is scary.  In a week, we’ll be packing only what will fit in our two vehicles and making the 18 hour trek from point A to point B.  Of course, driving separately means we’ll be stopping more frequently because neither of us will have a break from the monotony of the road.  But I’m really just hoping we get there safely and without too many hiccups.

I’ll miss my friends.  I’ll miss my Dad.  I’ll miss the only town that I’ve ever known.  Right now, I’m sitting at my table in Barnes & Noble for the very last time.  They don’t have one where I’m going, so I can’t even claim a new table somewhere else.  But that’s okay.  I’ll find a new favorite place.  I’ll find a new job and new friends.  I just have to stay positive and not let the fear weigh me down.

Fingers crossed, please!  I’ll need all the positive thoughts I can get for this one because I really am awful with changes.  Hopefully I remember to breathe.


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