The Unknown.

I’m in the process of packing up what I can, what should be able to go with us in the cars when we leave. My boyfriend is in the process of trying to fix one of the cars so that it actually makes it to Florida. I’m now without a job for the first time since I was 16. And I’m terrified.

I don’t have money saved up to fix my car along the way.  Honestly, I don’t have any money saved up for anything.  I’ll have just enough to pay for gas to get us there until the next paycheck rolls in.  Then, assuming my former job does what they’re supposed to, I’ll get three more checks after that to cover my three weeks vacation I’d earned.

I’m worried the cars won’t make it.  I’m worried something will happen on the way there.  A tire will blow.  A belt will break.  Or my car will decide it doesn’t want to work as it’s been doing the last few weeks.  There’s no time left to do anything about it so I’m hoping what my boyfriend is able to do with it now will hold it til we get there.

I hate not having all the loose ends tied up.  I hate leaving things to chance like this.  I’m terrible with change as it is, but to face the unknown head on?  It’s completely horrifying.  There are so many things that could go wrong.

I’m trying so hard not to be negative but it’s rough.  Everybody keeps telling me things will fall into place.  And I know that whatever happens, we’ll figure it out.  I just can’t help being scared.

I just want to get to Florida so that I can breathe a little easier and everything can just .. start.  I’m ready for this new adventure, this new beginning.  And I’m hoping that we don’t end this chapter with a bang, but instead have a smooth transition into the next one.

Deep breaths.

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